Weddings and Craziness

— From Dayo, as she experiences and learns. Welcome to The Mind Palace!

I recently attended a wedding. The pastor preached, “Everyone knows marriage is sweet, and like everything in the world, will face hardships but it is a relationship for better or worse.”

We know the drill but all I thought was “who do they stand before that binds them to keep these vows?”

A response

The couple had the wedding in a church so you might say God.

You might also say each other since each spouse stands as a person with an intrinsic worth to be loved and respected — enough to not have the marital contract breached by the other party.

However, based on the events of the wedding, I dare say it’s none of them.

You see, the music defines the party. Since it’s a wedding reception, it has to be full of energy, danceable, and socially acceptable. Enter Shedibalabala.

Socially acceptable or not, I hate that song. The song that hit the nail on the head about the futility of marital vows was a chorus:

“no be say I no get bride but the bride no show…

see fine girls wey dey waka waka”.

You don’t need to be married to know FOR SURE that that’s not the anthem you want to begin a marriage.

No matter what kind of vows or commitments spouses make, they are made before something or someone that binds them [the spouses] to keep those vows. So, back to the question: “Who do they stand before that binds them to keep these vows?”

In this case, it can’t be God because the events and God don’t mutually align. On what or who then do they pledge chastity, vulnerability, partnership, deliberate removal of secrets, and an absence of abuse — physical and verbal?

Surely, it can’t be the spouses themselves because all men are broken and incapable of perfect love by themselves.

Are marital vows then empty promises from the start?

Is one party lying to the other?

Or are both parties declaring them with the best intentions but acknowledging that they’ll do whatever they want to after days of the wedding?

If then, who are the marriage vows for? Why bother?

A counter (and valid) response

God designed marriages. So, whether or not we belittle marital vows, He acknowledges them and holds us accountable to them.

In addition, we hold certain rights and virtues in humans as sacred and inalienable. So, maybe the right answer is both God and the spouses themselves.

Shalom,

Dayo,

A converted love and marriage skeptic.

Disclaimer:

If you have no idea what a marriage should be like, you can search for married partners that exemplify it. They exist. Being cynical about marriage is choosing to live in hopelessness about human partnerships, selflessness, and, at the crux, love. It never helped anyone to be cynical about love.

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