On Transformation and Love
If you’d asked me if I thought I’d changed by this time last year, I would have given a fat no.
I mean, I didn’t think I’d changed — for five years. Of course, I thought that was strange. I hadn’t grown for five years???!!! That’s worrisome.
But I was wrong. It’s been 12 months and some days (I was not counting), and I’ve sat down to reflect clearly. For the most part, I’ve held the same things dear to me, that’s why I thought I hadn’t changed, but the reasons I do have changed or become clearer and deeper.
Once, I thought of myself as opinionated — no I didn’t go shoving my views down people’s throats, it just took plenty of facts and logic to change my mind. It still takes logic and fact to win me over but, now, I’m not as rigid.
I have met different people with different patterns of thought and different backgrounds to learn to be flexible and open-minded. I recently asked a friend about it (because you know, we have to be objective and non-sentimental), and I’ve gone from opinionated to strong convictions.
Lol. I’m very okay with that because in all things, can’t be moving mad. There are beliefs I hold that define the person I am, but I know now that there is always a place of non-perfection and for learning.
Another is on being principled. It’s been years and through it all, I always saw myself as principled because I stood for what I believed to be true. But it’s so easy to think that and say that when you’re not in trying situations, situations that push you to do otherwise, that you start to think you just might be foolish for choosing to stick that way.
Y’all, my IT location did me strong me thing but that’s when I knew that being principled meant choosing that way because you believe it to be right in difficult times not just because ‘I hold it dear to me’. It was rough but thank goodness, I didn’t lose guard.
And love. No, I didn’t fall in love but I got to love. It’s a beautiful thing really, to be ready to carry someone else’s matter on your head and make sure all goes joyfully, blissfully for said person.
I’ve gone from being heavily indifferent and emotionally detached to my chest tightening when I think of some friends and family. I didn’t care enough and I genuinely used to feel my happiness strike the surface (seriously, I used to think of surface tension anytime I laughed) but now, blessed be God, I love these people with every fibre in my bones (heavy work of the Holy Spirit and I’m not even kidding).
Sometimes, I ask myself ‘Can you die for them?’ to make sure I’m correctly using the word (because you know, you don’t just go throwing it around) but I end answering with ‘I don’t know’.
I think it’s a great deal that that’s my answer. It means I love enough to consider it, but will I follow through? That’s something the selfish condition of man has to answer for or one of those things you have to be in the situation to find out (but God forbid!).
So there. Sure, they are other things: learning that life is not to be lived alone and that relationships are the colour of a life well-lived; realizing that time flies and does not wait for you; that you get what you fight for and not what you deserve; the gift and power of vulnerability, and other bedtime stories.
I have seen that I have grown and that I have to sit down to distil what I’ve learnt from experiences, and yet, there is still so much more to live for, to be grateful for and to cherish.
So to experiences and a life full of growth 🍻 (mugs, because life is too short to live it safe).
Love,
Dayo
(Not so random but I once won an award for ‘Metamorphoses’ and I kept on thinking, ‘What on earth did I change from and to what?’ because the only thing that came and still comes to mind is the life cycle of a butterfly. Oh well.)
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