Have You Ever Been Mortified?
Managing Embarrassment
— From Dayo, as she experiences and learns. Welcome to The Mind Palace!
Seriously, have you ever been mortified?
As in the deep sense of embarrassment we can feel when we strongly wish things ended differently?
It’s as intense a feeling as that we wish that moment would never be spoken of. Ever. We hope the ground opens and swallows us up, in that moment or moments after. We wonder why that thing seemed like a good idea, and worse, how it was encouraged. Because “why did I do that?”.
I know this because I felt it this week. And moving past it? That’s as uncomfortable as it is unnatural because we are predisposed to replaying that action or sequence of events over and over and over again. Obviously, the scale and possible repercussions differ, and good Lord if it’s that bad. It was.
But was it? While I’ve wished and unwished (regret is a strong word), I have tried to make clear sense of my situation so I don’t continue in unnecessary pain because let’s face it, the deed has been done.
In dramatic terms, I have sought absolution to the end that I no longer put myself through a self-inflicted turmoil of emotions that not only subjects my present self to a cycle of mental and emotional pain but conditions my future self to an inclination for fear and an undaring spirit. There.
By the way, the ‘absolution’ is answering a bunch of introspective questions so here we go:
- Will the result of my action cause disaster, whether in my life or in an organization?
No. Maybe.
Of course not.
- Will my action damage my reputation and/or trust factor?
Maybe.
Honestly, not even close no matter what I think.
If anything, I was bold and daring. Or just silly.
(This is important for personal reasons ‘for we have regard for what is honourable [and above suspicion], not only in the sight of the Lord but also in the sight of men.’ㅤ — 2 Cor. 8:21.)
- Will I look back and laugh at this?
Most likely.
So that’s a yes.
- Will I repeat this again?
Having followed mandatory guidelines where I am *not* treading perjury and no subsequent disaster can be made to me and my immediate environment, then yes.
The preceding conditions are extremely important. Understatement.
The thought pattern that led to the preceding conditions is not a product of overdeeping the situation I promise you.
Moving forward, I’m keeping this as a mantra:
“When you observe the thoughts generated in your mind, you can follow them, from the shore like a river. The flow is dynamic and passionate. You discover the marvel of the mind, that is generating so much richness. You do not judge yourself anymore, you stop fighting others in your mind because you have just realized that your mind is the only one generating the thoughts.”
Stay daringly yet reasonably bold,
Dayo
p.s: this reminds me of Morgan Housel’s take in The Psychology of Money on not doing anything that lies on the precipice of being catastrophic or really damn lucky.
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